To Be Alive…
To be alive, to live in the world, to choose to feel all that is there rather than close down in fear at the possibilities that could arise – just over the horizon of that next moment – requires such a deep trust.
An openness and allowing for each moment to be as it is. No changing, no denying, being in a state of openness and welcoming. Flowing, as the river does, with nothing sticking, but ever moving, unravelling, unfurling into now, into now, into now and now and now.
That is where the heart not only remains open, but opens wider – becomes the sky and the horizon.
That is where the seeing becomes en-lightened.
That is where there is nothing else but being; no working or trying… just being, here, in the truth of every breath and every heart beat and each and every arising and passing of atoms and light wave/particles.
There is no one thing or person that exists that we can truly rely on or commit to, as the person themselves. No lovers, partner, friends or family. All of it is the tides coming and going, flesh and bone rotting and decaying and becoming leaves or ash floating in the air. Beyond these faces and personalities that are the ones we love, that are us, is that divine, ever present, conscious one. That it is The One, beyond the cycles of life, of death, of laughter and tears and births and sickness, that remains.
That is what I commit to in you, in me. That is who I see when I look into your eyes, when my heart opens to you beyonds the sadness and disappointment, beyond the joy of this temporary, momentary sharing. That is what I commit to in living on the ever terrifying edge of the void: the unknown. That which is opening and presenting itself every. single. millisecond. of life.
Because who knows? Anything could happen there. So much magic. So much possibility of loosing the things that felt real. That felt solid. That felt as long lasting in their present form as that which lives within and beyond them, and is the truly only unchanging force in the universe.
And, I’m not going to lie. It scares me a little. I think I’m quietly terrified. And maybe I should be! Of this loving through and beyond the you and me into that which, ultimately, is still you and me. But which we forget about sometimes… this trust in the overarching dancing magic that is Life.
Because what happens when I let you go? And you my love, and you, my friend? What happens in that state of total surrender and complete and total openness and expansion?
What does my ‘I’ do with itself then? (I’m sure it would just be given the job of ‘Organisations Manager’ as opposed to ‘CEO’. But come on, who likes being demoted?! Plus, an OM doesn’t have the luxury of so much disposable income!)
I don’t know. And I don’t think I need to. And I think that is the point. And probably, I never will, because each unfolding will always be new. Is always new.
It is humbling and saddening and a beautiful sweet feeling.
I’m sure that too will change. I trust it to be as it is.