Letter to a good man, from a recovering serial bad relationship addict.

Posted on January 21, 2016 in Art | Comments Off on Letter to a good man, from a recovering serial bad relationship addict.

I just want to sayeric

 

That I really appreciate the way

You come and pick me up.

That you drive out of your way to get me and

Drop me home,

So that I don’t have to spend an hour

Alone,

On the Bus.

 

I really appreciate the way

You open the car door for me

Open cafe doors

House doors

Book shop and

Clothes store doors

Before me

And let me pass through first.

It makes me feel that you actually consider

My worth.

 

I really appreciate how sweet and sturdy you are.

How constant and

In integrity you are

How I know that I can trust your word.

That you actually care.

That I know that you are really there.

That my nervous system can relax

Around you.

 

But fuck,

 

You know,

Where is the danger?

Where is the excitement?

Where is the

“You’ve got me on the edge of my seat and what the fuck is he going to do next?”

Of it?

 

Could you be a bit more unreliable, please?

Or maybe you could just practice being mean.

Maybe you could try out making me feel

That I am unseen

So that I can strive for your attention

And feel the outflux

Influx

Of oxytocin and dopamine

Pulsing through my

Relieved

Brain

When that moment of connection is reached.

 

Could you try, for a moment,

Letting go

Of Tantric relaxation

And indulge me

In the addictive

The constrictive

Drive

For intense RUSH?

 

Or maybe, you could refuse to call

When you said you would

And string me along

Like a dog to it’s master

And let me know you’re superior

So I could worship you as a god?

 

Knowing that I am meant to be down here with the

Pigs

Because I’m so much more inferior.

 

It’s so nice and relaxing

It’s all so easy and untaxing

 

And the junkie in me

Is screaming

And screaming

And screaming

And screaming

BORING!!!!

 

Longing

 

To feel that needle in it’s arm.

The drug labeled

‘Dangerous and exciting –

Intense and arousing’

Just a little hit.

Just a little bit.

 

Could you?

 

Could you in fact,

Disregard everything I just said?

 

Letter to a Good Man

From a recovering serial bad relationship addict.