Letter to a good man, from a recovering serial bad relationship addict.
I just want to say
That I really appreciate the way
You come and pick me up.
That you drive out of your way to get me and
Drop me home,
So that I don’t have to spend an hour
On the Bus.
I really appreciate the way
You open the car door for me
Open cafe doors
Book shop and
Clothes store doors
And let me pass through first.
It makes me feel that you actually consider
I really appreciate how sweet and sturdy you are.
How constant and
In integrity you are
How I know that I can trust your word.
That you actually care.
That I know that you are really there.
That my nervous system can relax
Where is the danger?
Where is the excitement?
Where is the
“You’ve got me on the edge of my seat and what the fuck is he going to do next?”
Could you be a bit more unreliable, please?
Or maybe you could just practice being mean.
Maybe you could try out making me feel
That I am unseen
So that I can strive for your attention
And feel the outflux
Of oxytocin and dopamine
Pulsing through my
When that moment of connection is reached.
Could you try, for a moment,
Of Tantric relaxation
And indulge me
In the addictive
For intense RUSH?
Or maybe, you could refuse to call
When you said you would
And string me along
Like a dog to it’s master
And let me know you’re superior
So I could worship you as a god?
Knowing that I am meant to be down here with the
Because I’m so much more inferior.
It’s so nice and relaxing
It’s all so easy and untaxing
And the junkie in me
To feel that needle in it’s arm.
The drug labeled
‘Dangerous and exciting –
Intense and arousing’
Just a little hit.
Just a little bit.
Could you in fact,
Disregard everything I just said?
Letter to a Good Man
From a recovering serial bad relationship addict.