It Rains Outside (one from the archive)

Posted on July 27, 2015 in Art | Comments Off on It Rains Outside (one from the archive)

It rains outside. 

I hear the drops falling in rivers from blocked guttering. 

Imagine the splattering of water haze on the road

refracting in the street lamp light.

I turn off the lights and open the curtains.

And watch, and see.

With the rain,

You are in my thoughts.

Earlier my feet pound the pavement.
2 hours long
I walk the streets of quiet and affluent night time neighbourhoods
Barely noticing the mansions
Barely notching the blistering of my feet
I am walking  you out of my system.
I am walking you out of my body
My mind
My heart
My womb
My sex
I am walking you out of my blood.
Like a junky going cold turkey,
I feel the withdrawals.
Shaking.
I am walking you out through these short and determined legs.
Out into the pavement
Down into the roots of old
And magnificent trees
That you may feed them
That you may grow them
That you may become their leaves
And float
Graciously
Magically
Easefully
Throughout the autumn air.
Being the colours of the falling
Red
Yellow
Orange
Brown and green.
Being the air that is the crispness of
The time just before winter hits,
When the trees wear their leaves
Like tutus upon a stage.
You are a moment in time
To me.
The potency of you
Fills me in this moment,
And the last
And the last
And the last.
I cannot say what the future brings.
I cannot say what I will feel tomorrow
Or the next day
Or the day that follows.
But I know that it will pass…
Eventually.
This feeling of living within you,
Of you living within me…
That we are bound and endless in our connecting
That ‘we’ are eternal,
And ancient
And incomprehensible.
I know you
And I know you know me too
Especially within the unknowableness of all
That we confuse each other with.
Baffle each other with.
Outrightly outrage each other
with.
Why and how
Do we come and go,
Imprinting ourselves upon each others lives
If only and always
To say goodbye?
What is the point
Of such sweet and tender knowing
When all of it leads to nothing
And death and ending?
What is the point of knowing you so deeply
Of feeling you so fully
Of opening so completely
If you are just to run away?
If you are just to stay away?
Wishing to change,
desiring to step up, step in,
But unable to make the decision to?
You are a weak man
It is true.
And I a weak woman for not being
more decisive too.
And I love you.
I always did.
From the first moment I met you
With the sun gleaming down through
Boat house oaken leaves.
From the first greeting by flowing river
When, at the first glimpse of you
My whole body lit on fire
And said
“Yes.”
I love you.
I love you.
You are the horizon and the sky
You are the Mountain and the rock
I am the ocean and the flaming fire
Together we make heaven
And we make the earth.
It will take some time for me to fully release you
To the ether and to eternity.
It will take some time to forget
The yearning
And the calling of my body
To your body.
The whispering of words within me
That had no notion
That they wished to be spoken
Until it was that you were near.
But I will.
It will happen.
Time and space and life will all pass.
The binding and the holding will loosen,
Until it is completely a thing of the past.
All will change
All will go
All will die and rebirth to live.
It does not mean
That I did not love you,
Only that
I chose to bow down
To what is.
Not what I wished it all
To be.
Be well
Be true
Be brave
Be loved
Love.