Healing Sexual Trauma
Sexual wounding. Seriously the MOST INSIDIOUS THING in the way it affects your life…
In the way it inhibits people’s sense of self worth. Their ability to stand in their power. Their ability to have healthy relationships (and not keep calling in the abuse pattern in different varieties time and again). Their ability to have a good relationship/abundant relationship with money (as to the psyche, money is a symbol of value and power. If you’re inhibited in these, then it’s going to affect your relationship to la doshola $$$).
Often it will also affect your relationship to your body and can create eating disorders, body dysmorphia and self harming tendencies. It can make you averse to sex completely and shut you down, or send you into over active sex fiend mode. You can become addicted to sex. You can end up feeling that you have no worth to contribute to the world of that life in general is worthless.
You can continue dealing with the branches of the tree – the symptoms – such as the EDs, your relationship to money, your relationship patterns, your ability to enjoy pleasure…
But if you NEVER DEAL WITH THE CORE ISSUE it is going to resurface in this symptom over here (e.g. “oh look, lets engage in binge TV watching for the next 6 hours”), or that one over there (e.g. “yes, I’ll have another drink please”), or that one over there… (e.g. “I polished off two blocks of chocolate just this afternoon”)
You are still going to feel that your voice IS NOT BEING HEARD by the world around you because the inner child inside of you is STILL trying to get the person who hurt you as a child to hear you… but they never will. It’s all about you hearing yourself now.
I have really journeyed this little mofo (other alias: the heaviest lead to be turned to greatest gold ever). I have been in therapy, used Tantra, yoni massage and conscious erotic dance practices, transfiguration and all kinds of resources and process to deal with it.
I kept seeing the pattern resurface in other ways.
I do not let ANYTHING get the better of me. I refuse to EVER be trapped by stories and wounding. I choose instead to open in love and truth in every available moment. Even though sometimes it hurts like hell. Because the BREAKING of a pattern hurts. It’s your choice if you shut down in the face of the pain of that breaking or move through it into the greater lesson, wisdom and expansion. That is the mark of a courages and determined heart.
A year and a half ago I created ‘The Love Clear’ which is a clearing program for people who want to clear up their relationship patterns. But what I saw was that it wasn’t enough for people (such as myself) who had been through really intense sexual trauma.
For the last 2 years I have seriously been working on this baby with Clearing specifically (over 5 years now in general) and looking for the right ‘map’ with which to clear it.
I got the opportunity to create that map over the last couple of months, when I fell in love with (and had my heart dropkicked) by someone who perfectly embodied all of the most positive and negative aspects of this pattern (positive you ask? Yes, well someone who embodies this pattern can be very seductive!)
I was at the point where I screamed to the universe “ENOUGH!! No more. I am done. I WILL NOT engage in bullshit relationships ANY MORE.” I was seriously ready to throw in the towel and become celibate because I was so done with being ‘hurt by men’; even with so much work under my belt. And while over the years my relationships have improved SO much with all the work I’ve done, this relationship was simultaneously like the most extraordinary regression and forward promise of the level of magick I could experience with someone. Read here for a little story on that.
And it drove me totally mental to be seeing all of these patterns agin.
Because the Universe was like “Tidy this shit up once and for all Courtney. Go there. Face your shadow. Feel your deepest pain. And let it go.”
You cannot deny the mirror (well you can, but you’re the one who looses out if you do). This man, who I was totally in love with, addicted to, and who behaved like a classifiable narcissist in his relating with me, could not have played his part better. I could not deny that this patterning was still present in me, if I was so deeply attracted to someone who treated me in such an out of integrity and bullshit way. If I were so ridiculously addicted to him despite everything. I could have blamed him. I could have made him the arsehole (and he kinda was). But how would I have been empowered in that? How could I possibly grow if I were just to pin the whole situation on him?
So, after a lot of inquiry and process and research I finally came to a place where I understood exactly what the protocol was to clear this patterning out of your system for good. I had to. It was going to send me bonkers if I didn’t.
So I took myself through. It was possibly the most intense process I have ever done on myself. The integration is still in process almost a month after I did it. That’s how deep it was. My relationship with myself and others has changed a lot.
I never knew 100% what is was to feel completely safe in my body before. I never knew what it was to be completely rested in my power and not be giving it away in some big or small way to another before. What it felt like to sit in a place of a unified field with someone rather than going into codependent enmeshment.
Sexual abuse is the most crippling wounding there is. I know. It took me into depression, eating disorders, codependence, suicidal thoughts and so much dissisociation and inability to be still in myself or ONE PLACE for any length of time. A lot of the heaviest stuff has been gone for many years now, but I am not one to leave a job half done or unfinished.
I knew I need to share this with others. Because there is no need for people to continue replaying patterns when they have the opportunity to let them go for good. I dropped a bomb in the Advanced Clearers group Facebook page. I held a conference call for them all, mapping out the full spectrum of what this pattern can do, how it can affect you and the process required for them – and their clients – to be able to clear it for good. Those couple of weeks following that call saw huge transformations and realisations for many people in our practitioner crew.
One of them, who had been repeatedly abused and raped and who was partially deaf, took herself through the process. A short time later (I think about a week), her ears popped and she got her hearing back for the first time in her adult life! That’s how deep this pattern and the process to clear it went!
Of course you wouldn’t want to hear what is happening in the world when your experience of the world is that it equals pain. Now it’s a whole different story for her.
I am now offering this process to people who have been through this kind of abuse and who are ready to let it go fully. Therapy is amazing and can give you a lot, I know it gave me a lot… but it will never release the patterns directly from the body and the unconscious mind. Clearing can do this. This is why it is so powerful. It bypasses the story and goes directly to the root of when it was installed and releases the root permanently (and subsequent branches/symptoms).
I spent years trying to clear this. I did a lot. As one of the first Advanced Clearing Practitioners, I was a full explorer in the realm of clearing something that at that point had no protocol on how to let it go. And it took me some time. But I found the way.
You can spend years fumbling in the dark, or you can allow someone else to light the path for you and show you the way. There is no shame in receiving help (whether from me or any other person who you resonate with). There is only the tragedy of those who have the opportunity and resources to transform their lives and choose not to. That is such a waste of precious precious life.
I am offering Spiral as a part of it for half of it’s usual price and the subsequent work will will do at a discounted rate. 15 sessions to locate and permanently release this thing that WILL HOLD YOU BACK IN ALL AREAS OF YOUR LIFE UNLESS YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
I know that that is an intense thing to say, but I have explored it. I’ve journeyed it deeply. I have cleared it EVERY DAY. And whatever you clear in Clearing, you clear for good. But if you don’t name it properly, or if you don’t have the right maps, you’re going to be clearing the things that have the least impact.
I am so deeply passionate about Truth, Freedom and Love and I’m being so intense about this because I really want to live in a world where the unnecessary suffering of reoccurring patterning is gone. Sometimes we have to feel the pain of just being human. But you don’t have to feel the pain of the same story on replay again and again and again and again and again. That is a waste of life. It’s also enough to send someone bonkers.
If you have been through this trauma or you know someone who has. If you’re ready to let it go for good so that you can love and value yourself, be completely deeply connected and embodied in yourself, stand in your full power and offer your gifts to the world and be HEARD and RECEIVED by the world…
This whole program has a discount on it because I know what the fucking pain of this pattern feels like and I just want to help people get free.
Big love world.
You are beautiful, powerful and needed.
It’s time for you to know that too!
Please share this to your page or with friends if you want the world to be free of this unnecessary pain. If you want to people to come into freedom and self love.